Peer Review for Emily Yu

Your Name: Taylor Szalaiy

Writer’s Name: Emily Yu

Does the writer state a thesis at the end of the first paragraph that explains why she wants to study a particular subculture and does s/he make a claim about how his or her view of that subculture has been formed? If you can’t find a thesis point this out here.

If you can find a thesis, rewrite the thesis here:

Being a Taiwanese-Born Asian that has minimal knowledge about the Koreans, I want to learn more about their culture such as; if they have as strict parents as I do, and if they have the similar personality or family background as the Korean dramas that I always watch

Does the thesis make an argument that a reasonable person could disagree with? If yes, what? If no, suggest a thesis based on the paper.

Yes -- she wants to know if her culture is anything like the Korean culture and if what she thinks is true

What subculture is named in the paper?

KSA - Korean Student Association

Could the thesis need to be more concise or more complex?

perfect

Is the thesis specific enough to have meaning? Make a suggestion that pushes the language towards more specific meaning:

yeah ..

How does the essay address the writer’s fixed position in connection with his or her potential subculture? Quote from the paper to explain.

'Dislike seems to be the attitude my family has towards Koreans. I have always learned from my parents that Korean people are extremely mean and cheap, but they are extremely advanced in technology development with extremely stylish fashion'

- She was brought up to feel a certain way about Koreans

- Pick a different word other than extremely

What does the writing tell you about this student’s subjective position? Quote from the paper to explain.

'From the myths that I have heard from my parents, I recently developed some doubts about Korean families'

-Her background as an Asian has given her certain beliefs about the Korean subculture

What does the writing tell you about this student’s textual position?

Quote from the paper to explain.

'All in all, I believe that what I have observed and heard are not all quite the truth about the Koreans'

-She understands her views might be flawed so she wants to research to find out

Does the essay seem like a story or does it seem too formal? Suggest where narrative elements might serve as good examples.

She tells stories about her family and what they think.

Does each paragraph seem to be an appropriate length, with only one main idea per paragraph? If not, what specific suggestions do you have to make this paper better organized?

-New paragraphs for new thoughts..

What suggestions do you have to make the content of this paper better?

-sentence structure.. and its a little choppy

What do you think the strength of this paper is?

-the fact that Koreans and Asians conflict at times and they're both brought up to have certain beliefs about the other subculture

What are the weaknesses?

The sentence structure

What’s missing?

n/a

What’s unnecessary?

talks a little too much about the dramas

Mark on the manuscript any important grammar/spelling mistakes.

Fill out the following chart, adding your comments about each component.

CRITERIA

READER'S COMMENTS

Weak Satisf. Strong

_____ _____ ____X_ Thesis: clear, important, risky

Comments:

_____ _____ X _____ Evidence: relevance, strength, credibility

Comments:

_____ ___X__ _____ Organization: arrangement of ideas, guiding the reader

Comments:

_____ __X___ _____ Mechanics: spelling, grammar, punctuation

Comments:

_____ _____ ___X__ Overall effectiveness: Was the relationship between the author’s background and their subculture clear? Were you convinced of the effects?

Comments: