Peer Review- Emily Yu

Research Question/Roadmap
1. Does it pose a question? Does the paper identify tensions? Does it say what it’s going to do and what its point is?

The paper says that she wants to find out if the Koreans had experienced the same hardships she had when first coming to America. She explains that there is tension between her subculture and the Korean subculture It doesn't really say exactly what she is going to do or what type of fieldwork she'll be getting into.

Theme
2. What is the quality of the content of the writing: the ideas, perceptions, and point of view? In your words, what is being said? Is it more than a collection of thoughts and observations? According to the author, why does this whole thing matter?

The paper is only five pages long. She is somewhat on the right track but needs to polish up her ideas and add more. Her point of view might be a little biased because of the myths she had grown up hearing. I'm not sure if it will matter in the end because the paper isn't completed.

3. Is there too much abstraction or generalization? Underline or circle this language in the paper. In other words, are there so few details, examples and explanations that it ends up dull, empty, impossible to experience? Or, perhaps even impossible to understand? Explain.

There are a lot of run-ons and things that don't really make sense.. A lot of rambling and unnecessary information. there really isn't enough to the paper for me to make assumptions, it seems a little dull

4. Is there too little abstraction or generalization and too much clutter of details, examples, and explanations? Too little standing back for perspective? Too little forest per tree?

There is too much clutter of details.. Good Background story ... No interviews or artifacts.. Not much perspective

5. What is the practical significance of the artifact? What idea does it represent?

There is no artifact in the paper

6. What is the significance of Interview 1? no interview

7. What is the significance of Interview 2? no interview

8. Are all 3 required scholarly sources developed in the conclusions? No.

9. Is all source material cited according to MLA, both parenthetically and in a Works Cited?

No works cited.

10. Do the conclusions satisfy the issues the study raises with complexity? How so?

There are no conclusions in the paper

Structure

11. Is the whole thing unified? Is there a central idea to which everything pertains?
What? Are there loose ends that don’t seem purposefully so, but accidently overlooked?

It's hard to tell because it's only 5 pages

12. Are the parts arranged in a coherent, logical narrative sequence?

They start off fine... Needs to finish the paper

13. Were the paragraphs really paragraphs? Could you tell what each one was saying?
Did they function as helpful and comfortable units of thought, not too much, not too little? Mark any that seem too short or too long.

The paragraphs were split up into logical parts. I could tell what she was trying to say. Some thoughts ramble.
Language
14. Are the sentences clear and readable? Underline with a wavy line any that you find incorrect or confusing.

Some of the sentences don't have proper sentence structure... There are a few run ons in the paper

15. Are the words used correctly? List any misused words.

It says pauper people? I don't what that means...

16. Is it succinct enough? Not too long, repetitious or dull? Mark any areas for deletion.
There is some unnecessary information and rambling.. Could use a little spice!

17. Is it full enough? Or does the writer squeeze out the juice of human communication and spoken discourse? Is the language, even if correct, dull and indigestible? Does the writer sufficiently use the language of the subculture?

The language of the subculture isnt provided. The paper isn't full enough because it isn't finished. I think she said she had too much going on and couldnt finish it..

18. Does the diction, mood and level of formality fit with ethnography?
Yes... so far.. its a good topic for her because of the myths shes heard all of her life.. Hopefully it will prove to be a good experience for her...I look forward to seeing it finished.

Readerly Response
Describe what was happening to you as you read. Tell which words or phrases stuck out or resonated.
The myths were interesting to me.. There seems to be a rivalry between her subculture and the one she chose to study.

What happened and what are the implications?

Nothing has happened yet... I assume that there may be implications because of the rivalry between the subcultures

What ideas or beliefs or feelings were brought into this piece? How do multiple points of view contribute to your understanding?
No other points of view... Needs to add interviews and what type of worldviews the subculture has

What understanding of the culture do you have from reading this piece? What gave you this understanding?
I have no understanding of the subculture except for her prior feelings about it.

The writer has introduced him/herself to you. Describe that meeting. What’s your impression? Did he thrust out his hand for you to shake? Did she sidle up next to you, but fail to look you in the eye? Did he send you a letter bomb or put his arm around your shoulder? Does it seem like the writer is standing on a cliff talking down to an audience below? What sense of the writer do you have? Formal? Casual? Intimate? Jocular? Arrogant? Are you with the writer, against her, or unsure since you don’t really know him?

She seems really sweet and a nice person. I don't think that she actually takes the myths to heart which is good. The writing is pretty casual. I'd like to see more emotions in the writing and more about how she feels.

Is the writer giving in? I'm not sure

What do you want, need, or wish for?

I'm curious to know how her meetings and interviews went! She needs to finish her paper! I'm sure it will be very interesting!